The Accursed Girlfriend
by snheetah
Summary: Another date gone bad. Brian returns home and writes about the woman of his dream only to land in Stewie's hands. Stewie brings her to life through his invention and Brian is finally happy to have a woman with the same qualities. As time passes, Brian thinks that having this woman was not what he had dreamed of in the first place.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Family Guy**

**Hey guys, this is my first Family Guy fanfic and I apologize if it sucks but I'm just experimenting to see how I can write a story with another theme.**

* * *

_Another date gone to waste _Brian grumbled in his thoughts as he marched back home. He didn't understand why all his dates ended in a mess? What was he doing wrong? He had met this woman at the bar. She was pretty of course with a porcelain face, rosy lips, and curly blond hair. He had sat with her and held a good conversation. After a couple of shots from an alcoholic beverage, he could feel himself getting woozy. She had gotten up to go the "ladies room" but she never came back. After that, Brain had figured out that she had stood him up. He would have had a couple of drinks but he decided to control himself this time.

As he approached the door to the Griffin house, he opened the door as slowly as he could. He looked at the clock and saw that it was exactly midnight. As quietly as he could, he walked into the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of wine, and poured a generous amount into a wine glass. A spied a pen and stacks of paper that were resting on top of a drawer. He walked over to the drawer, grabbed the pen and paper and sat down.

_What if I try to write something? _he thought. Writing was his specialty, even thought at times it wasn't as successful as it should have been. _I don't know what to write about. Damn it! I hate writers block! _he stared at the blank piece of paper that was staring back at him. _Story of my life _he thought. _I land on a date with a hot girl, that bicth leaves, and now I'm back home drowning my sorrows by drinking wine and trying to write something. _He poured another glass of wine and sipped the cup. _Why can't I find that perfect girl? That perfect someone? Someone to make me feel better, someone that has the same likes, someone that is nice to everybody, someone that loves everything she sees, someone who is not stuck-up or snobby and is not a wimp to pick up a brick and hurl it across the sky. _

Brian didn't even notice that he was writing these thoughts onto the white piece of paper. The blue ink smoothly wrote the words that were haunting his mind. He wrote about meeting that certain someone. That someone that he could love. _She will be beautiful. A porcelain face, rosy lips, lifted cheeks, curly blond hair, hourglass figure. She will be HOT!_ He remembered all of the qualities from the previous woman that he had met at the bar. _Only, she will like that same things that I like. _

As he drowned himself in another swig of wine, he felt himself getting woozy. A throbbing headache pounded against his head, the blue pen slipped through his fingers and fell to the floor. His head fell onto the table while his hand clutched the green wine bottle.

Then, everything went black...


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Family Guy**

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From upstairs, a child named Stewie stirred in his sleep. "Ugh!" he groaned as he lifted himself from his pillow and looked around his dark room, "I can hear that fat bastard snoring all the way into my room!" he yelled. He took his little teddy bear into his hands and looked at him. "Now that I'm awake, I haven't heard Brian coming home from his night out. Have you Rupert?" he asked the teddy bear. The toy only stared at him with an expressionless gaze. "Well, it won't hurt to look." He climbed out his crib and headed downstairs.

He checked the living room but Brian wasn't there. He went from the living room and into the kitchen and saw Brian's head resting on the kitchen table. "What the deuce?" he said when he saw him there. Stewie noticed a bit of dog drool leaking from Brian's mouth. "Looks like someone's night didn't go well," the baby commented, approaching the dog.

He noticed Brian's hand lying on the papers that were written on. As slowly as he could be, Stewie pulled the papers away from Brian and looked at them. His eyes scanned through the cursive blue sentences. "Wow," he commented, "this dog is desperate." He took the papers and back into his room.

He pulled Rupert from his crib and sat down on his toddler table with Rupert facing him. "Mm-hmm," Stewie mumbled as he flipped through the pages. Once he was finished reading Brian's work, he set the papers on the table and looked at Rupert. "Either he wants to date a lady clone of himself or a very old woman," he thought out loud while he looked at Rupert. "What do you think Rupert? Should I help him with his little romance?"

The teddy made no answer to that question.

Stewie scoffed. "Hmm, I don't know. I was thinking that I should. Be his little wing man what do you say?" He didn't wait for Rupert to answer for he jumped out of his seat and walked into his closet. Inside his closet, he had a supply of weapons and technological contraptions that he made over the years. He walked towards a contraption that he had built but hadn't used in a while. "Well, you're time has come my little friend," he said as he swiped his hand over the contraption, "let's see if you work."

He pressed the on button, and the screen came to life. He put the papers into the slot and waited for the machine to gather all the information that Brian had written about his dream character. "Job could not be processed," the machine said as it blinked the exact words on the screen.

"What the hell?" Stewie said. "Why not?" he yelled at the machine as if it was alive. "What the hell is the matter with you? I designed you! You're supposed to work!" He cursed out loud as he kicked the machine over and over again. He slammed his fist over a series of buttons but when he did, he saw a series of options that were written on the screen. "Gender? A female of course."

"'The name of the person?'" Stewie asked, "how the hell should I know?" He didn't know any good names for girls that Brian would like. "Let's try 'Leslie,'" he said as he typed the name onto the screen. "Her height, let's try five feet, six inches. Hair color? Let's see, if I chose green, that would remind me of vomit, red would remind me of that dim-witted mermaid...how about auburn...with authentic straight hair. Body? Oh this ought to be interesting. Let's try, wait what did he write? Hourglass figure? Yes that's it," he said as he wrote the words.

He looked at the screen and saw that he had arrived at the personality section of the list. "Her personality? Why the hell did I create such a complicated machine. If I know Brian, he wants someone that is overly sexy and hot. Alright, I'll write that but here's the little glitch, she's gonna have the baddest, bitchiest side there is ha ha!" he said in a triumphant laugh.

After he was finished filling in the questions, he pressed enter and waited for the machine to do the rest of its work. The screen on the machine turned a bright green color as a lime green color appeared in front of Stewie. The green light materialized into a five foot six inch female with auburn straight hair and an hourglass figure.

Stewie looked at her from head to toe. She stared back at him with a smile on her face. "Oh what a cute baby," she gushed in a soft voice.

Stewie's face faltered when she said that. "Excuse me?"

"Oh I can just squeeze you with my love and fill you with happiness," she yelled as she bend down, grabbed Stewie and squeezed him against her.

"Ah! Ah!" Stewie yelled as he squirmed around her grip, "germs! Germs! Cooties!" He rubbed his hands against his face while running around his room. As he wildly ran, he bumped against the wall and fell to the floor.

The designed girl, Leslie, put her hand on her mouth. "Are you okay?" she asked in that soft voice.

Stewie groaned when he lifted himself off the floor. Well at least he had done it. He had fulfilled Brian's command without having been told to do it. He turned around and walked back to Leslie. "So, uh do you have a place to stay?"

Leslie shook her head as her auburn hair bounced up and down. "No," she said with a small shrug. "Unless I can sleep in here until morning."

"Here's a plan that I have in mind," Stewie said. He leaned over and whispered in her ear and told her about the plan that was brewing in his mind.

"So, let me get this straight," Leslie asked, "you want me to wake up early in the morning, wait outside until someone walks out the door, and meet them there. Why can't I just knock on the door and let them welcome me in?"

Stewie gave her a deathly glare. "No one goes against my idea," he said in a soft tone so she couldn't hear.

"What did you say?" Leslie asked.

"Oh nothing, I was thinking that my way might work best," Stewie answered.

"I prefer my way better," Leslie said, "its more humane and effective."

Stewie glared at her again. "Fine, we'll try your way tomorrow and if that doesn't work, then we'll do my way."

"Okay," Leslie said, "I'm pretty sure my way will work out best."

Stewie turned around to head back into his crib. "If she can't keep her mouth shut, she's going to find herself in the dumpster just like Lois' last night vegetable lasagna," he said as he thumped his head against his pillow and went off into a deep sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Family Guy**

**Yay, thank you so much for the two reviews! I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story, that means so so much to me! Thank you and gracias. **

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The bright sun rays reached through the window as it softly hit Stewie's face. The baby fluttered his eyes open as he let out a miserable groan. "Ugh," he scoffed as he flung his hand over his eyes, "when I rule the world, there will be no more sunlight!" he yelled as he jumped off his crib. As he was about to step out of his room, he remembered that he had created Brian's dream girlfriend. He turned around and saw the girl that was curled into a corner and sleeping as peacefully as she could.

Stewie let out a sigh. "She looks as peaceful as Sleeping Beauty before Prince Phillip woke her up."

* * *

_Sleeping Beauty's bosom rose up and down as she soundly slept for years. After Prince Phillip's lips swept against her lips, her eyes fluttered open as she looked at the handsome man standing before her. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she shot up in bed. "YOU BASTARD!" she yelled as she grabbed him by the front shirt collar, "LET ME SLEEP!" she pushed him away, pulled the covers over her head, and went into another deep sleep._

_"Jeeze," Prince Phillip said as he got up from the ground and walked away._

* * *

Stewie approached Leslie's body. He put his small hand onto her shoulder and lightly shook her. "Yeah, rise and shine," he spoke. However, she didn't wake up. "Wake up," Stewie insisted but she didn't even move. "WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" he yelled. Growing angry, he lifted his foot and kicked her in the stomach. "OWW!" he screamed as he grabbed his leg and jumped in the air.

Leslie's eye fluttered open. She gracefully lifted herself from the ground and looked at the baby. "Why good morning Stewie," she said in that soft voice.

"What are you made out of metal?" he yelled, "you are as hard as the Tin Man when he Scarecrow hit him in the gonads."

* * *

_At the Land of Oz, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man had gotten into an argument about who missed Dorothy the most. This resulted into the Scarecrow kicking the Tin Man between his legs, but to his surprise, the Tin Man felt nothing._

_"Oh alright, yeah, that's cool," the Tin Man said. "Good thing I have a heart or I would've ripped the stuffing out of you and burning you with fire like that witch did!"_

* * *

Leslie's shoulder's shook up and down when he said that. "No silly," she laughed, "I am naturally strong. That's the way I was made."

"More like that's the way you were written," Stewie told her.

"Anyway," Leslie changed the subject, "when do I get to meet this Brian? Is he cute?"

"I would say so," Stewie answered, "he is the one that wrote about you. I took care of the design and a little few glitches here and there."

"Do you think that he would like me?" she asked him.

"Possibly," Stewie shrugged, "he created you. Man I feel like I'm repeating myself like that stupid answering machine."

* * *

_Stewie was sitting in the living room with his father, Peter Griffin, and watching some television. The telephone rang a couple of times as it went into voice mail. "Please leave you message after the tone." The phone rang again. "Please leave your message after the tone. Please leave you message after the tone. P-P-P-P-Please leave your message, message, message, after the, the, the-the-the-the-the, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-"_

_"Shut the hell up!" Peter Griffin yelled as she shot the phone with a gun._

_"-one," the machine finished._

* * *

Stewie turned his head towards the door when he heard footsteps advancing towards the door. "Someone is coming," he said as he looked back at Leslie. "You need to go outside. To the window," he said as he pushed Leslie towards his window.

Leslie poked her head out the window and giggled. "It's so high," she said as if she had made an amazing discovery.

"Do you think you can make it down there without hurting yourself?" Stewie asked her.

Leslie enthusiastically nodded. She lifted her right leg, slung it over the window sill, and her left leg followed. She let go of the window sill and landed to the ground on her two legs. She looked up at the window and gave Stewie a thumbs up.

Stewie disappeared inside his room as Lois lifted him from the ground and cradled him in his arms. "And how is my little baby today?" she said as he carried him out of his room and downstairs.

"I told you a million times not to hold me!" Stewie grumbled under his breath.

Lois entered into the kitchen where she saw her family waiting for the food. She placed Stewie in his high-chair and went to make some breakfast for them. "So," Stewie slowly said as he turned his head and looked at the worn out white dog, "how were things last night?"

"Oh yeah," Peter spoke up as he looked at Brian, "you didn't tell us how your "me time" was like?" he air-quoted the words.

Brian had no desire to share the events from last night. "Uhh," was the first sound that came out of his mouth, "it was...fine."

"Fine?" Stewie echoed the word, "just 'fine'? Really Brian how can your "me time" have been fine, when you came home around midnight."

"You came at midnight?" Lois asked as she turned around and looked at him, "we were getting worried. We thought you had run away."

"No, I would never run away," Brian immediately said, "I just, uh, met this girl."

"Is she hot?" the teenager boy, Chris yelled.

"She was but her attitude said otherwise," Brian answered, "she stood me up when she went to the ladies room and never came back."

"Well that's her loss," Lois spoke as she placed a white plate filled with eggs and bacon in front of Brian, "but don't you worry. There's plenty of fish in the sea."

"Yeah don't you mean girls?" Stewie asked her as she walked away from the table, "she's not a mermaid you know."

"Maybe I should give up on dating," Brian said, "all my romances have ended in disasters. No woman is interested in an eight year old dog like me."

Stewie tangled his fingers together, put his elbows on his highchair table, and rested his chin on the back of his hands. "Really Brian?" he asked with a smile on his face. "are you sure?"

"Uhh, yes?" Brian answered.

Stewie rose the yellow sleeve of his shirt and looked at the small watch that was tied around his wrist. "And the doorbell would ring in three...two...one..." he slammed his small fists onto his table and gritted his teeth. "Blast it! The doorbell should have rang!"

"What are you talking about?" Brian asked.

The doorbell suddenly rang. Lois looked behind her as she pushed her chair away from the table. "Who could be visiting at the hour?"

"Oh who knows?" Stewie said, "someone special? Someone who know that a specific someone lives in this house and that someone might be able to hook up with this someone so that they can get together and have little someones running around the house."

Brian looked at Stewie, "you're weird," he said as he forked a bacon into his mouth.

Lois reached towards the doorknob and pulled it open. Before her, she saw a young girl with auburn hair and a pretty face. "Hello there," Lois greeted her.

"Hello," Leslie waved at her, "I'm Leslie and I'm looking for someone named Brian. Someone told me that he lives here."

"You are not the woman that stood him up are you?" Lois accusingly asked her.

Leslie's small smile slowly faltered into a frown. "Who are you to say such a thing? I would never do that, especially to Brian, even though he was the one that created me!"

Lois put her hand on her chest and nervously chuckled. "Oh, I am very sorry. He told us today that a woman had stood him up and I assumed that you were her. Please do come in," she said as she stepped to the side and Leslie entered the house.

"Ooh, you have such a pretty home," Leslie said as she looked around in wonder.

"Why thank you," Lois said, "not many visitors complement our home. You wait here and make yourself comfortable while I get Brian." Lois walked back into the kitchen and looked over at Brian, "someone is here to see you."

"Really? Who?" Brian asked.

"Someone by the name of Leslie," Lois answered.

"Leslie?"

"Leslie," Stewie repeated as Brian looked at him, "Leslie, the girl of your dreams. Leslie, the girl that you have always wanted. Leslie, the dream girl."

"Did you have something to do with this?" Brian asked him.

"Come on Brian," Lois told him, "we can't keep her waiting for a long time."

Brian pushed back his chair and walked with Lois and into the living room. _I know that Stewie had something to do with this? I just know it!_ He stopped when he saw the posterior side of a female body.

"Leslie," Lois said as the girl turned around and looked at him, "meet Brian."

Once Leslie turned around, Brian's jaw dropped.

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**I warn you this girl is not who you think she is...**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own Family Guy**

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_Who the hell is this_? Brian thought as he continued to stare at the girl. He had never seen this girl in his life before. How did she even know that he lived here? The only answer that come to his mind was Stewie. Stewie had to do something with this. "Uh, I'll be right back," he said as he walked back into the kitchen.**  
**

Lois looked back at Leslie and nervously chuckled. "I'm sure he'll be back in a while. Why don't you sit down and make yourself comfortable?"

"Oh thank you for your hospitality," Leslie said as she walked over to the couch and sat down. Lois sat next to her and the tow ladies went deep into their conversation.

Once Brian walked into the kitchen, he lifted Stewie out of the highchair, escorted him out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and into his room. "What the deuce?" Stewie angrily said, "you know I hate it when I'm interrupted while eating."

"Whatever," Brian said as he slammed the door behind him, "what did you do?"

"What?" Stewie shrugged.

"Don't act all innocent Stewie, I know you're up to something."

"Is that what your instincts tell you?" Stewie asked as he folded his arms across his chest and had a look of satisfaction across his face.

"Yes and they're tingling," Brian growled as he scrunched his eyes at Stewie.

"Do you want to know?" Stewie egged him on, "do you really want to know Brian?"

"YES!" Brian yelled in frustration, "just tell me before I grind my teeth onto something hard."

"I suggest Lois's legs," Stewie said, "she does have hard bones. Anyway my dear friend, follow me into my closet." He approached his closet and pulled it open. "This was is creation that made your character come to life."

Brian's eyes widely opened in surprise. "My character?"

Stewie pressed a button on the machine's keyboard and Brian's writing came out of the slot. Stewie took the papers in his hands and walked over to Brain. "Do these look familiar to you?"

Brian took the papers in his hands and looked at the words that he had written the night he was drunk. "'Why can't I find someone better? Someone that has the same likes, someone that is nice to everybody, someone that loves everything she sees, someone who is not stuck-up or snobby and is not a wimp to pick up a brick and hurl it across the sky, I didn't write this!"

"Keep reading," Stewie insisted as the dog look back at his writing. After he was done writing his words, he looked back at Stewie. "Satisfied with my work?"

"No not really," Brian said, "it says here that she has curly brown hair. That girl out there is a brunette."

"So?" Stewie asked.

"So, how am I supposed to like her if she doesn't look exactly like the girl that I have written about?" Brian added.

"Oh come on Brian," Stewie said as he flung his arms in the air, "at least she has the hourglass figure you wrote about, she could be strong, she could be sweet, she could have the same hobbies as you, such as the same tastes in jazz music."

When Stewie said that, Brian's eyes brightened. "So you designed her your way but added some things that I had written about as well?"

"That and a few little glitches," Stewie added.

"What glitches?" Brian asked in a serious tone this time.

"Not telling!" Stewie yelled as he grabbed the doorknob and ran out of the room.

Brian ran after Stewie but as he was running down the stairs, he found himself running into the arms of a woman. He felt himself being pulled closer into this woman. "Oh my gosh aren't you a cutie?" her voice said as she hugged him closer and closer.

"Can't...breathe!" Brian gasped as she let go of him and landed on the ground. He got up from the ground and looked at the girl that had given him that death squeeze. She was pretty, the way he had written her, she had auburn hair, pretty eyes, but judging by that hug, she had a very perky personality. He hoped that this was the only glitch that Stewie had added.

"Hi, I'm Leslie," she introduced herself as she petted Brian on the head, "are you that handsome man who wrote about me?"

"Oh yes he is," Stewie, who was sitting on the couch, answered, "but he's more like a dog than a man."

"Aww!" Leslie gushed as she clasped her hands together and walked towards Stewie, "this little baby is so cute!" she wanted to snatch him in her arms and give him a powerful hug, but Stewie immediately jumped off the couch and ran back into the kitchen.

"So," Brian said as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, "I heard that you like jazz?"

"How did you know?" she asked, turning around and looking at him with a bright smile, "I love old jazz. You know, music from Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Peggy Lee."

"I'm a jazz lover myself," Brian said, "I'm glad to find that we have something in common."

"Me too," Leslie said, "we're both jazz lovers and I'm an animal lover," she gushed as she put her hand on Brian's head and petted him.

Brian's tail wagged at her comforting touch. "Oh yeah," he said, "to the right, to the right, oh yes!" he yelled as he began to pound his foot against the floor, "man, that itch has been bothering me forever!"

"Oh aren't you a cutie!" Leslie squealed as she kissed him on the snout, "who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"

"Me!" Brian yelled. He leaped towards her and began kissing her face. Leslie giggled through the kisses. Everything had happened so fast that she was happy to feeling the love from her creator.

"Brian what the hell are you doing?" a voice came into the living room. Brian and Leslie looked up and saw Peter Griffin looked at them.

"Sorry Peter," Brian apologized, "this is my new girlfriend named Leslie."

"Hi," Leslie said, getting up from the couch and shaking his hand, "nice to meet you."

Peter looked from Leslie and then to Brian. "Holy crap Brian, where did you find a babe like her?"

"A babe?" Leslie repeated, "really?"

Brian frowned when he heard that satisfied voice. He could have thought that she sounded surprised when Peter said that, but to him, it sounded more like she knew that she was a babe. "How about I take you to the park today?" Brian offered.

"Oh I would love to," Leslie said, "how about a little later? I would like to meet the rest of the family."

"Uh, sure," Brian shrugged, "I would just like to get to the park before it gets dark."

"Oh we have plenty of time," Leslie said, "your wife told me that you also have a son and a daughter," she said as she turned her attention back to Peter.

"Yeah they're in the kitchen," Peter said.

"I'm gonna go and meet them," Leslie happily said as she ran into the kitchen to meet Chris and Meg.

Brian squinted at the girl. Never in his eight years of life had he dated a girl as happy and perky as her. Oh well, maybe this was something new to try. Then again, she liked jazz so at least they had something to talk about while they were in the park. How bad could that be?

If Stewie had anything to do with it, it was going to be pretty bad...


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own Family Guy**

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Meg and Chris looked up when Leslie skipped inside the kitchen. "Hi," she said in an overly perky voice, "I'm Leslie. Nice to meet you!" she squealed as she grabbed Chris' hand and shook it, "you must be that handsome man Chris." Meg stifled a laugh when Leslie mentioned the word 'handsome' to Chris. Leslie turned around and looked at Meg. "And you must be the pretty sister named Meg."

Meg's eyes lit up when she called her pretty. No one had ever called her pretty before. "Yeah," Meg said as her pink lips lifted into a smile. "You're pretty yourself."

"But not as pretty as you," Leslie said.

"Meg?" Chris spoke up, "pretty?" He went into fits of laughter, "wow!" he gasped as he tried to catch his breath.

Leslie put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes at his laughter. "Boys," she said as she slightly shook her head, "I'm sure I can make her pretty. If I am born pretty, then my prettiness is going to spread to those girl who don't consider them pretty."

"Wow," Meg awed when she said that, "can you really do it?"

"I can try," Leslie said, "how about before I go to the park, I can pick up some make-up and some contacts and you'll be as good as new."

"Alright," Meg agreed, "it's worth a shot."

Brian walked into the kitchen. "So are you ready to go?" he asked Leslie.

"I really love your puppy," Leslie said, "he is just so darn cute!" she squealed as she ran over to Brian, grabbed his snout, and started to kiss him. "You're so cute! You're so cute! You...are...cute!" she hugged him.

Meg and Chris looked at one another. Chris put his hand on the side of his mouth and whispered, "what the hell is the matter with her?" he asked only to receive a shrug from Meg.

Brian put his hands on her shoulder and pushed her away from him. He took a deep breath as oxygen filled his lungs. "Could you please stop squeezing the life out of me?" he gasped.

"Aw, but you're so cute. You deserve all the hugs in the world," Leslie continued to gush. "Ooh, before we go to the park, can we stop by a store to get some make-up and contacts."

"Sure," Brian said, "what do you need those for?"

"For her," Leslie pointed at Meg. "I'm going to unleash her inner beauty."

Brian and Chris went into a fit of laughter. Meg glared at them, "jeeze guys, thanks a lot for your support." She got up from the table and went into her room.

"You guys are mean," Leslie said, "come on puppy, let's go to the park."

Brian let out a sigh. "It's Brian."

* * *

After buying the contacts and the make-up for Meg, Leslie and Brian walked over to the park. They sat down on a bench that was underneath two trees that had green leaves slowly falling from the branches and to the ground. "Well this place is surely romantic," Leslie said as she hugged herself, "you know how to impress a girl very quickly puppy."

Brian mentally rolled his eyes. "My...name...is...Brian," he said slowly for her to understand.

"I know," Leslie giggled, "but that's my new nickname for you."

"But I'm not a puppy, I'm eight years old. That's like fifty-six in human years," he told her.

Leslie chuckled. "Oh age is but a number." She lifted her eyes and looked around at the nature that surrounded them. "This place is so pretty," she complimented, "there's leaves, color, children running around, and oh my gosh!" she gasped when she saw a squirrel that scampered off a tree, "and small, cute, little animals!" she squealed as she jumped off the bench and went after the squirrel.

_What the hell is the matter with her? _Brian thought. Perky attitude? Obsessed with animals? What other screw-ups had Stewie done? He watched as she was communicating with the squirrel. Wasn't she supposed to be on a date with him and not the squirrel?

"Hey Brian," a familiar voice said.

Brian turned his head and saw who it was. She was a girl with long blond hair, pink lips, a blue shirt, tan pants, and sandals. She was none other than Jillian, his ex-girlfriend. "Oh hey Jillian," Brian smiled as she sat down next to him, "how have you been?"

"Oh I've been okay," Jillian answered, "how about yours?"

"It's been like yours," Brian answered her, "just fine."

"Yeah," Jillian said as she looked at her hands. There wasn't much for them to say since they had broken up. "So what are you doing here?" she finally asked.

"I'm just here with my new girlfriend," Brian said. He wasn't trying to make her jealous, he was just telling her the truth. He knew that she had a boyfriend herself.

"Oh," Jillian said in a little happy tone, "where is she?" Brian pointed ahead of them and they noticed Leslie that was continuing to talk with the squirrel. "She is talking with the squirrel?" Jillian asked as Brian nodded. "Wow," she said, "I saw this in a show one time where different people were talking with horses. Did you know that they can talk back to you?"

_Good old Jillian _Brian thought. "No, I didn't know that."

"It's really cool. Maybe she does that with horses too."

When the squirrel hopped away, Leslie turned around and headed back to Brian. She stopped walking when she noticed an unfamiliar girl sitting next to Brian. "Who..is...that?" Leslie asked herself through gritted teeth as her left eye began to twitch. Her expression changed into a sweet smile when she saw the blond girl waving at her. Leslie hesitantly raised her hand and gave Jillian a slight wave. She straightened her back, threw her auburn hair behind her shoulders, and walked over to Jillian.

"Jillian this is Leslie," Brian introduced the two girls.

"Hi," Jillian greeted Leslie as she got up from the bench and shook Leslie's hand. "My, aren't you pretty."

"I should say the same for you," Leslie said, her grip tightened on Jillian's hand. She saw Jillian's face twitch when she did that. _Who is she kidding? She is prettier than me!_

"Brian told me you are his girlfriend," Jillian said as she finally released her hand. She took her hand and massaged it. "You are so lucky to have him."

_Ugh, what an annoying voice _Leslie mentally scoffed. "Yes," she said with a slight nod of her head, "and how do you know my puppy?"

Brian sighed.

"I was his girlfriend," Jillian said.

"'G-G-Girlfriend'?" Leslie echoed the word. Her muscles tensed as she clenched her hands into tight fists. "No you're not?"

"Didn't I say 'I was'?" Jillian innocently asked.

Leslie took a step forward. "My puppy never had any girlfriends. I am his first one and I will always be the first one!" she said through clenched teeth.

"But I was," Jillian insisted, "I mean we're not together anymore after what had happened with all the moving in and stuff." She gasped as Leslie raised her fist and punched her on the nose. Jillian immediately clasped her hands on her small nose and turned her face away Leslie.

"What the hell?" Brian gasped when she did that. "Leslie, what the hell was that?" he glared at her.

However, Leslie paid no attention to Brian but was fixed upon Jillian. "Let that be your warning," Leslie said, "that puppy is all mine and not yours."

Jillian slowly looked up at her. "I wasn't trying to steal him from you!" she cried, "Brian your girlfriend is crazy!" she yelled as she immediately ran away from them.

"Jillian wait!" Brian yelled as he was about to go after her.

"Oh let her go," Leslie said, "I am better than her."

Brian slowly turned around and looked at her. "What did she even do to you?" he yelled, "you can't just walk up to her and punch her on the nose."

"Oh puppy, she was stealing you away from me," Leslie whined.

"MY NAME IS BRIAN!" he shouted, "Bri-an! Get it right." How was he supposed to have as a girlfriend if she didn't even know his name? He feared that if he kept her as a girlfriend, they might bump into one of his ex-girlfriends and she would probably punch them just like she had done with Jillian. He couldn't have a girlfriend that was the jealous type.

"So what are we going to do next puppy?" Leslie asked.

"Nothing," he answered, "because we're through." He turned and walked away from her. He didn't even look over his shoulder to see Leslie glaring.


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own Family Guy**

**Hey my reviewers! Thank you all for your reviews. Are any of you Lion King fans? There's this awesome fanfic called "Death of a Prince" written by TomMaier. He would really appreciate if you checked it out and your reviews your reviews. :)**

* * *

Stewie sat on the couch, hugging Rupert close to him as he watch his favorite show, "Jolly Farm." "Oh Rupert, this show never grows old even they do re-runs."

The door opened as Leslie walked in. She stopped by the couch and looked at the television. "Ooh a cartoon...and where there is a cartoon, there is usually a baby!" she squealed as she leaned over the couch and looked at down at Stewie. "How is the cutie baby doing?" she gushed as she petted his head with her hand.

Stewie stifled a curse word as he scrunched his eyes at the television. _Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone! _he screamed in his head. He looked up in surprise as a hysterical Meg Griffin slammed the door shut and ran to the couch. "Oh great," he groaned, "can't a baby get any peace around here?"

"Sweetie what's wrong?" Leslie sympathetically asked Meg.

"School! Popular girls! I can't fit in! No guy wants to be with me!" Meg screeched as she covered her tear stained face with her hands, "look away, I'm ugly!"

"Oh don't be ridiculous sug," Leslie said, "lucky for you I got the contacts and make-up to turn this," she said as she waved her hand in front of Meg's face, "into something fabulous." Meg cleared the tears from her eyes as she smiled at Leslie. "So let's go in your room and turn you into a jaw-dropping, hot, sexy mama!" she said as the two girls ran into the room.

Stewie chuckled at Leslie's use of words. "You can try and try but Meg will never be hot," he finished. He turned his attention back to his favorite show until the door opened and slammed shut once again. "Oh come on!" Stewie yelled, "why is everyone so pissed today? Oh hey Brian," he said as an enraged dog flopped onto the couch.

Brian said nothing.

"So," Stewie said, "what's gotten your tail into a twist?"

Brian let out a frustrated groan. "It's that girl Leslie."

Stewie gave him a mischievous smile. "She's driving you nuts isn't she?"

"Well said," Brian simply answered.

"So why are pissed off?" Stewie continued to poke him for answers.

"So I took her to the park and she started to talk to a squirrel all of a sudden and then my ex-girlfriend Jillian sat with me and before you know it, Leslie walks up to her, greets her, and punches her on the nose," Brian explained.

"Wow," Stewie commented, "was it hot?"

"What? No," Brian immediately said, "she can't just walk up to my ex-girlfriend and punch her like that. The poor girl was bleeding from the nose. Anyway, I broke up with her."

"You what?" Stewie eyes popped open, "you broke up with the girl that you created and I helped bring to life."

"Why shouldn't I?" Brian asked, "I created her my own way but you designed her _your _way!" he snapped as he pointed an accusing finger at Stewie.

"Guilty as charged Brian," Stewie said with a smug look, "I got to say that your relationship ended as quickly as Simba battling Scar in 'The Lion King.'"

* * *

_Simba scrunched his eyes when he saw Scar flying towards him. He bought his hand legs on Scar's stomach and with all his might, he pushed Scar off him. He turned to look as Scar's body made contact with sharp cliffs as he finally fell to the ground with a thud! "Yeah, take that bitch!" Simba triumphantly yelled._

* * *

"I'm glad it did," Brian said, "she was too perky and she didn't even know my name. She kept calling me 'puppy'. Can you believe that?"

"I can," Stewie answered with a small nod, "I added a few glitches on her, as I have said before."

"Her perkiness and her forgetting my name are not the only glitches?" Brian asked her.

"No," Stewie shook his head. "As my contraption was asking me for her personality type, I gave her every single personality of all the Disney princesses."

"You what?" Brian asked.

"Gave her every single personality of all the Disney princesses," Stewie repeated.

"No, I'm just surprised that you watch Disney princesses," Brian said in shock.

"We all come full of surprises Brian," Stewie said as he looked at his nails, "I gave her Snow White's personality, Belle's hair, Mulan's strength, Jasmine's body, Sleeping Beauty's sweetness, Ariel's singing voice, and the best part, Cinderella's working habits."

Brian sighed once again. "So in conclusion you made my character into a Mary Sue."

"A what?" Stewie asked with a chuckle.

"A Mary Sue," Brian repeated the word.

"It sounds like a dolly shoe brand," Stewie said.

"No, that's called a Mary Jane," Brian said, "a Mary Sue is a character in fiction who is perfect. She is pretty, she is stronger than anyone around her, she is the love interest of every single guy or girl around her, girls are jealous of her, stuff like that," Brian finished and looked at Stewie who was softly snoring, "and you heard absolutely nothing."

"Huh?" Stewie said as he looked around, "by the way, your Mary Sue is upstairs with Meg."

"What?" Brian gasped in a shocked voice.

* * *

"Before we begin," Meg said as she sat down on her vanity mirror, "do you know how to do this?"

"Sug, I said that I'm born pretty so I can make you pretty too," Leslie said, "I'm gonna take your glasses off of you and put these contacts in." Leslie gently took Meg's Harry Potter glasses off her eyes and put in the contacts. "Can you see?"

"Yes," Meg nodded, "better than ever."

"Good," Leslie said, "now close your eyes and let me do my magic."

"Okay," Meg agreed as she closed her eyes. She felt something moist touching her lips. She mashed her lips together and figured that it was a wet cloth that had wiped her pink lipstick. "What are you doing?" Meg suddenly asked when she felt more moisture on her face.

"Just wiping off that 'make-up' that you have," Leslie air-quoted the word, "now be quiet and let me work."

* * *

"How can you let her inside the house?" Brian asked Stewie.

Stewie glared at his pet dog. "Oh now it's my fault," he said, "yeah, go ahead and blame the baby. I didn't know that you broke up with her."

Brian moaned as he leaned against the couch. "God, my life is ending and I have not landed that special someone yet."

"Oh so now you want a special someone and not a perfect someone?" Stewie asked, "make up your mind man!"

"No I need to get rid of her. Do you know how?" he desperately asked Stewie.

"Oh come on," Stewie said, "give her a chance." The two of them looked upstairs when they heard a high-pitched scream. Stewie looked back at Brian and said, "either Meg is hating herself or Leslie did something to her." They looked up once more when they saw Meg running down the stairs, followed by Leslie. Brian's and Stewie's mouths dropped when they saw her.

She wasn't wearing glasses nor that pink hat that she usually wore. Her hair were long and curled at the ends. Her once pale cheeks were a rouge color and her pink lips had vanished into a seductive red color. Her eyelids were shadowed with a lavender color and her dull eyelashes had a bold and flirty look from the mascara that was used. Not to mention that she was wearing a whole new wardrobe. She was wearing a red halter top with a silver necklace that dripped down her chest. She wore skinny blue jeans and shiny, black high-heels, a silver hoop earrings. "What do you think boys?" she asked them seductively.

"I think that whoever you ask out, you are going to knock them out," she said, "now go and get 'em sweetheart!" she yelled in encouragement as she pushed Meg out the door. After she did that, she turned her attention back to Brian and Stewie. "That baby just keeps getting cuter and cuter!" she squealed as she picked up Stewie and hugged him against her.

Stewie looked at Brain. "Yeah, about what you said on getting rid of her, I agree! Blast it you wench! Let me go!" he screamed.


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own Family Guy **

* * *

Brian followed Stewie into his room and he began to ponder for a scheme in order to get rid of Leslie. Stewie opened a closet door that was filled with a series of weapons. There were guns, flamethrowers, guillotines, electric chairs, a serial killer, and maces.

"What the hell is a serial killer doing in your closet?" Brain asked.

"Just a weapon of mine on a short notice," Stewie told him as if it was a normal day, "pick a weapon Brian and put an end to your misery."

"Stewie I don't want to kill her," Brian told him.

"Do you want to get rid of that bitch or do you want her to hand around you all day like a leech?" the baby asked.

"Yes, but don't you think that killed her is a little extreme?" the white Labrador asked him.

"Nothing is extreme when it comes to killing somebody."

"Yeah for you," Brian said.

Stewie dramatically sighed. "If you don't do it, then I will." So, the baby pulled a stool and pulled a weapon out of the shelf. "This shall do the trick," Stewie said, "now let's blow that bitch's head off."

Brian knew that he was going to regret this, but at least she wouldn't be clinging onto him.

* * *

Leslie pulled a bucket of water out of the sink and set it on the floor. She took a soft, yellow sponge, dipped it in the soapy water, and began to wash the floors of the kitchen. Brian and Stewie stood by the doorway of the kitchen and poked their heads inside. "Is she washing the floors?" Brian asked.

"I told you she has Cinderella's work ethic," Stewie answered as he gave the dog a satisfied smirk. "Now where do you want me to aim? Abdomen, head, or heart?"

"Whatever you desire," Brian told him.

Stewie aimed the gun towards Leslie's head. He made sure that he had the right angle and aim. When her forehead fit the target, Stewie pulled the trigger. The bullet flew out of the rifle and went straight at Leslie. However, the bullet went through her head, with no trace of blood. Instead, the bullet hit the drawers behind her.

"What the deuce?" Stewie said as he looked at the weapon. "Does this even work?" he asked himself as he pointed the gun at Brian.

"Whoa!" Brian yelled, ducking away from Stewie's weapon.

Leslie looked up and smiled when she saw Brian and Stewie. "Hi baby," she said in an ecstatic voice, "my favorite little puppy!" she squealed as she grabbed Brian's snout and began to kiss it.

"Let's try to serial killer," Brian said as he escaped from Leslie's clutches and ran into Stewie's room.

Stewie opened the closet and pulled the serial killer out. "You!" he pointed at him, "kill that wench downstairs!"

The mustached man in a black hat, pants, shoes, and jacket flew downstairs. He spotted Leslie and holding out his hands, he charged up to her to choke her. Leslie gasped as she held her arms out at him. The killer ran into them and gave him a big kiss on the lips.

Stewie and Brian gawked at her. "So she can kiss other men and I cannot talk to my ex-girlfriend?" Brian glared.

"Ho," Stewie said.

Once Leslie unattached her lips from the killer, she saw that he had a wide grin on his face. "Ooh baby that's what I like!" he whooped. His legs became weak and he melted onto the floor from the power of her beauty.

"Stupid Mary Sue," Brian said through his gritted teeth. "Let's try some other weapons."

"There's no point," Stewie said, "if the gun and the serial killer didn't kill her, then none of the others would either."

"What I'm curious to know is how you even managed to get a serial killer?" Brian asked.

"The same machine that bought your Leslie to life," Stewie answered.

"With the slight glint of falling in love with women instead of killing them," Brian added.

Stewie shrugged. "Oh well, if she can't be killed then we might have to live with her."

Brian didn't want her around them. If she did, then that would annoy him even more until he went suicidal on himself. "NO!" he snapped at Stewie, "you got me into this mess and you're going to fix it."

"I hate saying this but I don't know how to get rid of her," Stewie said.

Brian was shocked to hear the sadistic infant saying such a sentence. Not only that, but the thought of having that annoying character around would drive him crazy. "Why do I always have to be the one to solve your problems?"

"My problems?" Stewie glared at the dog, "she is your character, your girlfriend-"

"Whom you screwed up!" Brian added.

"I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP!" Stewie screamed. "My God you think that I can't do anything right. Well I've got news for you! I can ! You just don't know how to develop a character of your own."

"I can so! I have been writing longer than you have," Brian shot back.

"But you're not a child prodigy with a mind like mine Brian."

"Do you know what I think of your mind?" Brian asked, "it's screwed up!"

"And do you know what I think of your writing?" Stewie asked as he pulled out a stack of papers and tore it in half.

The ripping noise tore Brian's heart. "YOU BASTARD!" Brian yelled. When he was about to lunge towards Stewie, a cry was heard downstairs. Brian and Stewie stared at each other and ran down the stairs. They ran into the kitchen and saw Leslie on the floor, only she looked torn in half.

"What the deuce just happened?" Stewie asked.

"Rip it again," Brian told him as Stewie ripped another section of the paper.

Leslie cried out in pain as he arm was removed from her socket. Brian's eyes brightened. Maybe that was the only way to get rid of her. "Let's go outside!" Brian quickly said as he pulled Stewie with him.

"What are you doing?" Stewie asked once he was dragged outside.

"We are going to set these papers on fire until they burn into ash," the dog explained.

"And what? Set the house on fire?" Stewie snapped. He ran back inside and dragged both halves of Leslie outside.

Leslie weakly looked up at Brian. "Puppy, no," she weakly said.

Brian sympathetically looked at her. However, he remembered that ever since she had been here, they hadn't gotten along. She had also punched his ex-girlfriend. Those were the traits that he didn't desire in a girl. He wasted no time and lit the papers on fire. The atmosphere was filled with high-pitched screams as Leslie burned into nothing but ashes. The fire gradually disappeared and the heap of ashes were only scraps of paper.

"Well that puts an end to her," Brian said as he kicked the ashes away.

"And everything is back to normal," Stewie said. He looked ahead of him and saw his sister, Meg, kissing a boy. "Well almost everything."

Brian only shrugged. "That's good enough for me." And with that, he headed inside to enjoy a fresh glass of martini and watch some television.

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**The End.**

**Thank you so much for all of your reviews.**


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